Proper Transformers trailer online.

This looks like it may be pretty frickin' cool. Wait a sec, is that Optimus Prime halfway through???

http://uk.promotions.yahoo.com/transformers/

Scooter Spin.

How would this have gone if it went right?

Showboat

The best football tricks ever:

My Top Five Christmas Songs Right Now.

Here's my rundown of what I think are the best christmas songs ever:


First up is Paul McCartney and Wings with Wonderful Christmas Time, which is a bit naff but I like it (just beat out Shakin' Stevens' Merry Christmas Everyone):



Next up are The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl with Fairytale of New York. It's a bit trendy to like this one now, but it is a classic:



Now we have Slade with their classic Merry Xmas Everybody - getting in the mood now?



Now, you couldn't have christmas without charity classic Do They Know It's Christmas? by Band Aid - here's the original version (minus Dizzee Rascal unfortunately but thankfully missing Joss Stone trying to grab all the attention):



Ok, here's Band Aid 2 as a bonus, great if you want to see Wet Wet Wet, Lisa Stansfield and the blonde from Bananarama laughing to one of the Goss brothers for dancing like a tit:



Oh fuck it, here's Band Aid 20 too - just don't say I didn't warn you - although I do like it when Thom Yorke, Paul McCartney and Danny Goffey spaz out near the end:



And finally - my favourite ever christmas song: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard!

Nooooooooooooo, not Scary Mary!!!

Oh god, I never want to watch this film, it's too scary...

Silly girls.

It's not usually women who do these stupid things, but the effects are the same:

New Simpsons Teaser trailer

http://www.foxfilm.at/trailer/simpsonstrailerII.wmv

Adriana Lima: Virgin.

I know this is slightly old news now, but in case you didn't know, Adriana Lima (yes, that hot girl above) is a virgin. Ridiculous.

I refuse to believe her. She emits pure filth when I look at her.

But there's quotes:

"Sex is for after marriage. Men have to respect that this is my choice. If there's no respect, that means they don't want me."

"People ask me if he (Lenny Kravitz) was good in the bed. And I always say 'I don't know!'...Quite honestly I don't, and never have, cared."

Yes, Lenny Kravitz went out with her and didn't get any action. That must have been worse than not going out with her surely?!

You may think I just wrote this up as an excuse for posting these photos of her. And you'd be right.

Evolution of Beauty.

You may remember this advert from Dove, all about how make up and photoshop is used to make people look better. no shit Sherlock!



Anyway, who wants to look at ugly people, as this parody suggests:

The Wotton Appreciation Society

Bored? Love Wotton? Join the Wotton Appreciation Society. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226324418

By the way, this is funny (go to the bottom of the career outline section): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colin_Montgomerie

And this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Pressman (Well done Ollie)

RIP Peter Boyle

Sad news as Peter Boyle died today. I liked him most as the grumpy dad in Everybody Loves Raymond and the man who thinks he's Jesus in cult classic The Dream Team. In fact, treat yourself today and buy a copy of The Dream Team to see him in action alongside Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd - it's awesome. Buy it here for £6 for a good laugh.

Screeched.

You may have heard someone from Saved By The Bell has recorded their own amateur porn film. You'd probably think/hope it was Elizabeth Berkley, the one that was in Showgirls. Or maybe Tiffani Amber Thiessen, who played the lovely Kelly. Nope, afraid not, it was one of the guys, although they did have a threesome with two girls. You could probably believe Zach could use his smoothness to persuade two women to go down on each other and do naughty things with a double ender. Or maybe AC Slater could wrestle them and give them a good pummeling. Oh no no, it was Dustin Diamond. Yeah, that's right, it was Screech, the geeky one. Click http://www.totallynsfw.com/videos/videos_screeched_preview if you want to put yourself through the extremely not safe for work footage of Screech shagging two girls and giving one of them a Dirty Sanchez.

How to deal with a heckler.

Every comedian will have been forced to deal with a heckler - lucky for the comedian, he's the one with the mic and the wit, while the heckler is usually a moron with a beer.

Of course, there was a lot of uproar recently when Michael Richards, who played Kramer in Seinfeld, went nuts at some hecklers and started abusing them racially, as seen here:



Not the best way to do it I'm sure you'll agree. Joe Rogan does it much better:



Or you can go for the simple approach, like Thom Yorke from Radiohead:



Try to avoid doing what Pauly Shore did though:

Joey Barton introduces himself to his future international teammates.

"England did nothing in the World Cup, so why were they bringing books out? 'We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like s**t. Here's my book.' Who wants to read that? I don't. I watched the World Cup and there wasn't a team. It seemed to be individuals playing for themselves" - Joey Barton.

No one can accuse him of not telling it as it is.

therosenthalreport.blogpot.com

It's come to my attention (thanks to my little sister Amelia), that this blog is a mere one letter away from God. Click on http://therosenthalreport.blogpot.com to find out what I mean! You'll also find on there that I appear to have a Christian search engine...

Victoria's Secret.

As an avid fashion fan, I feel it's important to put this video of the latest range of lingerie from Victoria's Secret. There may be some attractive models in there too. Maybe.

Victorias Secret Fashion show 2006
Uploaded by dpwilliams

Ginger Bloke Meets Girls Aloud.

My mate Danny has another life as Ginger Bloke, who appears on Gonzo every week on MTV2. What do you mean you haven't seen it before? That doesn't matter - here's his interview with Girls Aloud:

Heidi Klum is beautiful.

Wah wah wee wah. Click http://gorillamask.net/heidi-klum-jane.shtml for some of the most ridiculously beautiful photos you've ever seen.

"I've Got Big Balls."

There's a fine line between being a dick and having big balls; being a dick means you do something stupid and you get punished accordingly, having big balls means you do something stupid and come out looking like a legend.

More random photos from my life.

As I'm adding photos today, here are a few more randoms:

Did the Emirates Stadium tour for my dad's birthday - he asked my brother to be Pat Rice to his Arsene Wenger when he got the chance to sit in the dugout.

Dad meets the Herbert Chapman, albeit in statue form.

The legend Charlie George gave us the tour. My dad asked him approximately no questions.

Well done, Herbert.

The classic back four.

Curt with the shirt of everyone's favourite player - Kolo Toure. No crowding around Henry's shirt for us.

Jens is definitely my dad's favourite.

Gallas is the new Bergkamp.

Funny night at Islington Academy, at the Club de Fromage night. This is shortly before Pat emptied water all over me and we reenacted Rocky Balboa vs Apollo Creed to the Rocky theme. note Nathan is there in the background.

Liz looks like she brought a special needs boy out with her for the night and is severely regretting that decision.

Only Nath knows why this is funny.

A real life Egyptian mummy!

Nath finds he had a previous life in Ancient Egypt.

Posers.

My Mirror Face.

It has been pointed out on occasion that I pull what some would call a 'silly face' when I look in the mirror/window reflection/piece of metal/any reflective surface. A face like this:

This has spawned a series of imitators:

I don't know why I do this, I really don't. If you think you can do my face better, post it here.

How much hair can two people possess?

It appears two people can have a LOT of hair.

And when they do, they like to pose.

Smeghead.

A discussion I had about smegma this weekend (as you do) reminded me of the great knob cheese debate which took place a few months ago on my old MySpace Blog. It's an entertaining read.

Then of course, Wikipedia goes a step further. If you're not eating, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma and click on 'Images of Smegma' near the bottom of the page.

Best Picture Ever?

You're in Cyprus with Jordan Knight, Jodie Marsh and Syd Little - of course you take a photo!

Blunder: Karate Johnson.

Another sketch from Blunder, made by Channel X, which is on Channel 4 tonight and repeated on E4 sometime over the weekend I think.

Another You've Been Framed moment.

People hurting themselves doesn't ever stop being funny.

Get Off The West Field.

http://www.getoffthewestfield.com/ is a tribute to Mr Horrobin, the disciplinarian rugby teacher who passed away this year due to a brain tumour. He may have scared many of us at Chis and Sid into doing up our top button or rolling down their skirt, but he was a fun teacher who instilled a try-hard work ethic into me which has led to a competitive streak whenever I tie up my boots for any sport. It may seem silly, but I'm still proud of the fact he pointed me out as the best defensive performance in a touch rugby tournament - a small thing, but not forgotten.
Rest In Peace Mr Horrobin.

Arsenal's Champions League future.

Unlike some people moaning about the Porto game last night, I loved it. Got the exact right result and the last 10 minutes made total sense for both teams.

And so we finish top of the group and in the last 16. This time last season (when we got to the Champions League final I'll remind you), we faced Real Madrid, and that wasn't too bad! Neverless, from the 7 teams we can play, I'd rather have Lille thanks. Maybe PSV. I realise by saying this I could be jinxing it, but please not Barca!!! I hate them.

Group Winners

Chelsea (ENG)
Bayern Munich (GER)
Liverpool (ENG)
Valencia (SPA)
Lyon (FRA)
Manchester United (ENG)
Arsenal (ENG)
AC Milan (ITA)

Group Runners-Up

Barcelona (SPA)
Inter Milan (ITA)
PSV Eindhoven (HOL)
Roma (ITA)
Real Madrid (SPA)
Celtic (SCO)
Porto (POR)
Lille (FRA)

Biff is back.

Tom Wilson, better known as Biff from Back To The Future, is back with another song:

Thanks for that Martin

"I didn't want to talk to people for probably the next three weeks after that defeat," says Martin Jol as he recalls the trauma of Spurs' defeat at West Ham in May. "I touched my wife but didn't speak to her."

Was there any need for us to know that Mr Jol? Maybe he fancies himself somewhat as a Dutch Jordan Knight...

Blunder: The Woman Who Speaks Comedy.

Another sketch from Channel X's Blunder, which is on E4 on Thursday at 10pm, and Channel 4 on Friday at 10.50pm.

Haven't Heard It In Ages: Jordan Knight - Give It To You.

You may remember this track from the former New Kid On The Block Jordan Knight as it is a true classic of its era. What I didn't remember was how filthy the lyrics are, despite the clean cut video in a fairground. Some samples:

It's creepin' around in your head,
Me holdin' you down in my bed,
You don't have to say a word,
I'm convinced, you want this

Actually Jordan, thanks to a change in the law, the rule is you have to get them to say 'yes' these days, it's not enough she's not saying 'no'. Technically you're a rapist.

Baby, you know I can give it to you
You can't deny, I'd do it right
Just let me know, and I'll give it to you
Show me where, I'll TASTE you there
Baby you know, that I'll give it to you
Your body needs a man like me
Anything goes, when I give it to you
Without a doubt, I'll turn you out
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine
Anyone can make you sweat (ohh)
But I, can keep you wet

Admittedly it's unlikely a rapist would perform cunnilingus, but then you wouldn't think DMX could be raped by a woman just because his light was turned off but it happened.

Anyway, it's a seminal classic, so enjoy...

"Smack That".

You may be aware of the rap star known as Akon (or to his mother as Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam). He did that song Lonely, with what sounded like a duck singing the chorus. Yeah, that bloke.

Anyway, I'd pretty much ignored him as much as was possible to do so until I listened to his latest song Smack That, which I'll come back to in a minute.

So I find he's been arrested lots of times, including for Grand Theft Auto which he got 3 years for. He seems quite proud of this, referencing it on numerous occasions in his songs, such as Locked Up and Konvicted. I can't help but think his time in jail would have better served learning to spell properly, preparing him for his career as a songwriter.

He's also a Muslim and cites the Koran to justify his polygamist lifestyle, which includes having three wives. I'm not sure the Koran justifies nicking people's cars though does it Mr Akon, although I may be wrong.

Akon is also supposed to be developing a movie of his life: Money, Power & Respect: A Hustler's Dream. Sounds like top stuff.

The thing is, I'm willing to ignore all of this due to the true genius of his new track, the aforementioned Smack That.

Lyrically, it's a masterpiece. I've yet to hear anyone emit the following lyrics with such heartfelt emotion:

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow,
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like Tae Bo,
And possibly bend you over. Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

Lennon and McCartney wish they were that good. I think I mostly like it because you're just not expecting him to suddenly bend over the lady in question after kicking it like Tae Bo. Of course, I also appreciate the fact that once his lady friend (who presumably isn't one of his three wives) has a sore vagina, he will stop smacking that, like a true gentleman would.

Of course, that's assuming 'smack that' is a euphenism for sexual intercourse. He could be literally bending her over and smacking her buttocks, in some kind of spanking fetish.

By the way, I think I would be remiss here to only heap praise on Mr Akon for this masterwork. Eminem also features in what is certainly not a quick and easy cash-in, and Smack That is the product of no less than 5 writers, all of whom should be very proud of their work.

So for those of you unlucky enough not to have sampled Smack That, here is the video which suits the song accordingly - it has a similar plot to the Eddie Murphy/Nick Nolte classic 48 Hours, except it's 24 hours (genius twist) and it features Eric Roberts, best known for being Julia Roberts' brother.

Enjoy!

Blunder: The Baron.

Channel X (the company I work for - and it's not porn) made the comedy sketch show Blunder which is currently on E4 on Thursdays at 10pm and Channel 4 on Fridays at 10.35pm and I think it's pretty funny. Check out this clip from the first show:



Click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX-5B_SgmFg if you want to laugh at people arguing at how funny/unfunny it is as well!

Borat: The Truth.

This very interesting article investigates what was real and what was staged in the recently released (and very funny) Borat movie. Surprisingly (and disturbingly), it appears everything but the Pamela Anderson and prostitute stuff was real, e.g. the Jewish couple that owned the B & B were real, he really did break all that stuff in the antiques shop, etc. Great stuff...

www.salon.com/ent/feature/2006/11/10/guide_to_borat/index1.html

I'm Back...

I'm back at work after a nice relaxing break which sucks for me but rocks for you as the blog is back. Unless anyone who ever read it has forgotten it even existed.

I have a million emails to read and loads of work to catch up on, but here's a photo to begin the blogging again...