How did he miss Fat Frank?

Today's Mediawatch column on www.football365.com was so good, I've pretty much posted the entire thing for you all to read:

Seeing Double, Part One
We're 99 per cent certain that we can identify the man who is throwing the punch at Fat Frank.

And after Frank was selected on the left for England against Spain, we're fairly sure we've got the motive worked out as well.

It's just we're sure Stewart Downing was meant to be at Old Trafford.


A Family Affair
Was the absolutely outraged Jamie Redknapp who ranted, "They have got to make an example of him or it will go on. He should go to prison," about the Spurs fan whose aim was so bad that he managed to miss the largest man in the Premiership with his punch, the same Jamie Redknapp who repeatedly giggled like a little girl when Sky were analysing the punch from Valencia's David Navarro that actually did connect and broke Nicolas Burdisso's nose?

And if it was the same Jamie Redknapp (and Lord we hope there aren't two of them) then was the only difference between the incidents that one involved Jamie's cousin Frank?


Just So You All Know
In case anyone missed last night's repeated announcement from the national broadcasting corporation, Mediawatch feels it is our duty to pass on the news that Andriy Shevchenko, Michael Ballack and SWP have all come good now, so there's no need for anyone to suggest they were a waste of money.

Apparently they had a "lack of confidence" but it's back now.

So that's good.


Understanding Base Motives
Said Mark Bright, tragically poor throughout the evening's MotD commentary, of the White Hart Lane crowd:

"They're booing Ashley Cole now, purely because he used to play for Arsenal."

We can't have been the only ones who actually said out loud, "Well, and because he's a c**t..."


Seeing Double, Part Two
From the BBC website's live clockwatch:

'2005: England coach Steve McClaren - after a busy day calling Preston's David Nugent and Aston Villa's Gareth Barry into his latest squad - must be hoping there are no fresh injuries at Old Trafford, where he is watching from the stands.'

We can only assume it's not the same Steve McClaren pictured on BBC 1 in the stands at White Hart Lane two minutes later.


We Don't Know What You Did Last Summer
"Frank Lampard's always in form" - John Motson.


Join The Club
'Barca Deny Ronaldo Contact' - The Press Association.

So does everybody else.


Predictable Headlines Of The Day
'Spot-On Ronnie Seals It' - The Daily Star.

'Portuguese King Spot On To Keep Dream Alive' - The Daily Mirror.

'Spot Of Bother' - The Daily Mail.

'Spotcha' - The Sun.

'Diana: Vital Evidence Was Kept Secret' - The Daily Express.



Non-Football Story Of The Day
Reports The Sun:

'Mr Tumble, the sign-language presenter on CBeebies, has been accused of signing "I'm f****** you" instead of "I'm happy to see you" when he greets children on the channel. Startled viewers have complained to the BBC, which has denied the allegation.

'Apparently in the Makaton sign language, the signs for f****** and happy are quite similar.'

Which makes sense to us.


Like Chalk And, Erm, Rubbish
Opined Spurs sporting director Damien Comolli of Sevilla in The Guardian at the weekend:

"It's a team we know very well. They did very well against Middlesbrough last year. They are like us."

Sevilla are UEFA Cup holders, European Super Cup holders, challenging for the Spanish league title and have beaten Barcelona twice this season. And Spurs?

Well, let's just say Mediawatch isn't surprised no-one gets the two clubs mixed up.



Quote Of The Day
"In that situation, we would all love to do that" - Gareth Southgate analyses James Morrison's attempted knee-capping of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Runner-Up
"It's a disgrace. I know Gareth's a friend of Stuart Pearce's and they had Manchester United to face. But it's scandalous and I would love to see them lose their next six games and see how they feel in the last couple, under that sort of pressure. I don't think a club like Boro should disrespect Sheffield United. To not have any of those players playing against City, especially with the way they are playing at the moment, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He's only a young manager but I hope that one day it happens to him and he sees what effect it can have. They play West Ham next and Alan Curbishley is another mate of his. He'll probably not bother there, either" - Neil 'Colin' Warnock, presumably bitter because he doesn't have any friends to do him favours. Either in football or real life.

Response To The Runner-Up
"Some people have had plenty to say about the team I picked on Saturday. It was not just Neil Warnock, there were others as well. I make decisions for the benefit of this football club and I will pick whatever team I want" - Not that Gareth Southgate was bothered.

Rumour Of The Day
'The FA wants Spurs to explain why one of their fans attempted to punch Frank Lampard last night' - The Guardian, who obviously aren't familiar with either Frank Lampard or football fans.