David Nugent is my new hero.

I told you I wanted David Nugent for Arsenal - he is the fox on the box Thierry's been looking for all this time! And anything that takes away a goal from Jermaine Defoe is a very good thing.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujijaZHneJQ

Look how smug this fucker is.

If you could do snooker tricks like this, I guess you'd be smug too!



The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

http://www.clipmasher.com/media/Amazing-Snooker-Tricks/3292.html

Peep Show Series 5!

They nearly didn't commission a 4th series, but now they've already commissioned series 5, before the 4th series is shown next month...

Channel 4 confirms fifth 'Peep Show'

Channel 4 has commissioned a fifth series of Peep Show, with the fourth series not yet completely 'in the can.'Filming of the fourth series of the Objective Productions sitcom, which stars David Mitchell and Robert Webb, is only just nearing completion before it airs next month.The third series averaged an audience of 1.3 million at 10pm on Friday nights, but Channel 4 executives hope the ratings will rise as more viewers are drawn to the show.Objective's other hit, Star Stories, is also to get another run, with four new episodes having been ordered. The first series included parodies of the celebrity lives of George Michael, David Beckham and Madonna.Producer of Peep Show series three, Robert Popper, will be speaking at the Broadcast TV Comedy Forum on Friday at London's Soho Theatre.

How did he miss Fat Frank?

Today's Mediawatch column on www.football365.com was so good, I've pretty much posted the entire thing for you all to read:

Seeing Double, Part One
We're 99 per cent certain that we can identify the man who is throwing the punch at Fat Frank.

And after Frank was selected on the left for England against Spain, we're fairly sure we've got the motive worked out as well.

It's just we're sure Stewart Downing was meant to be at Old Trafford.


A Family Affair
Was the absolutely outraged Jamie Redknapp who ranted, "They have got to make an example of him or it will go on. He should go to prison," about the Spurs fan whose aim was so bad that he managed to miss the largest man in the Premiership with his punch, the same Jamie Redknapp who repeatedly giggled like a little girl when Sky were analysing the punch from Valencia's David Navarro that actually did connect and broke Nicolas Burdisso's nose?

And if it was the same Jamie Redknapp (and Lord we hope there aren't two of them) then was the only difference between the incidents that one involved Jamie's cousin Frank?


Just So You All Know
In case anyone missed last night's repeated announcement from the national broadcasting corporation, Mediawatch feels it is our duty to pass on the news that Andriy Shevchenko, Michael Ballack and SWP have all come good now, so there's no need for anyone to suggest they were a waste of money.

Apparently they had a "lack of confidence" but it's back now.

So that's good.


Understanding Base Motives
Said Mark Bright, tragically poor throughout the evening's MotD commentary, of the White Hart Lane crowd:

"They're booing Ashley Cole now, purely because he used to play for Arsenal."

We can't have been the only ones who actually said out loud, "Well, and because he's a c**t..."


Seeing Double, Part Two
From the BBC website's live clockwatch:

'2005: England coach Steve McClaren - after a busy day calling Preston's David Nugent and Aston Villa's Gareth Barry into his latest squad - must be hoping there are no fresh injuries at Old Trafford, where he is watching from the stands.'

We can only assume it's not the same Steve McClaren pictured on BBC 1 in the stands at White Hart Lane two minutes later.


We Don't Know What You Did Last Summer
"Frank Lampard's always in form" - John Motson.


Join The Club
'Barca Deny Ronaldo Contact' - The Press Association.

So does everybody else.


Predictable Headlines Of The Day
'Spot-On Ronnie Seals It' - The Daily Star.

'Portuguese King Spot On To Keep Dream Alive' - The Daily Mirror.

'Spot Of Bother' - The Daily Mail.

'Spotcha' - The Sun.

'Diana: Vital Evidence Was Kept Secret' - The Daily Express.



Non-Football Story Of The Day
Reports The Sun:

'Mr Tumble, the sign-language presenter on CBeebies, has been accused of signing "I'm f****** you" instead of "I'm happy to see you" when he greets children on the channel. Startled viewers have complained to the BBC, which has denied the allegation.

'Apparently in the Makaton sign language, the signs for f****** and happy are quite similar.'

Which makes sense to us.


Like Chalk And, Erm, Rubbish
Opined Spurs sporting director Damien Comolli of Sevilla in The Guardian at the weekend:

"It's a team we know very well. They did very well against Middlesbrough last year. They are like us."

Sevilla are UEFA Cup holders, European Super Cup holders, challenging for the Spanish league title and have beaten Barcelona twice this season. And Spurs?

Well, let's just say Mediawatch isn't surprised no-one gets the two clubs mixed up.



Quote Of The Day
"In that situation, we would all love to do that" - Gareth Southgate analyses James Morrison's attempted knee-capping of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Runner-Up
"It's a disgrace. I know Gareth's a friend of Stuart Pearce's and they had Manchester United to face. But it's scandalous and I would love to see them lose their next six games and see how they feel in the last couple, under that sort of pressure. I don't think a club like Boro should disrespect Sheffield United. To not have any of those players playing against City, especially with the way they are playing at the moment, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He's only a young manager but I hope that one day it happens to him and he sees what effect it can have. They play West Ham next and Alan Curbishley is another mate of his. He'll probably not bother there, either" - Neil 'Colin' Warnock, presumably bitter because he doesn't have any friends to do him favours. Either in football or real life.

Response To The Runner-Up
"Some people have had plenty to say about the team I picked on Saturday. It was not just Neil Warnock, there were others as well. I make decisions for the benefit of this football club and I will pick whatever team I want" - Not that Gareth Southgate was bothered.

Rumour Of The Day
'The FA wants Spurs to explain why one of their fans attempted to punch Frank Lampard last night' - The Guardian, who obviously aren't familiar with either Frank Lampard or football fans.

Can Crouch and Rooney play together?

This is funny on its own, but an actual piece of genius thanks to Ian Wright's non-PC comment at the end. From the man who once inserted the phrase "creamed myself" in a piece of punditry.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDH8RKhwCkc

Ricky Gervais on Comic Relief.

You may think it's bad taste, but you're wrong and it's very, very funny.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ia__1d_rM

David Nugent for Arsenal?

I've been thinking - David Nugent is the perfect player to replace Aliadiere and Baptista alongside Bendtner next season. You've got Henry leading, with Robin Van Persie comfortably ready to be a top striker (his goals-to-games ratio this season is very good and we've missed him loads). Adebayor has shown promise and is a decent third striker. Bendtner supposedly has all the assets you want and needs some games for Arsenal next season - he's got to be better than Baptista. Then Nugent takes over from Aliadiere. He's on the fringe of the England squad thanks to all the injuries and scores regularly but I'm sure he needs Wenger-style polishing. How's that sound?

R Kelly sings about what he loves doing best.

Dave Chappelle spoofs R Kelly in this music video about his predilection for Golden Showers.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDK-Z7EVh6A

You Tell Him Kyle!

Apologies for the lack of an ending, but this bloke is such a nobhead, this is worth a watch regardless.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qYVi7NW3fs

Cashley Cole gets reported on Holy Moly! today

From today's gossip-filled Holy Moly! email:

He Shoots, He Scores!
A certain much-hated and in-no-way greedy footballer is in a (penalty) spot of bother with his bride of a few months.
The sportsman took advantage of his expanded pay packet by revealing his expanded packet to a well-known soccer groupie called Brooke.
The boy done well, slipped into the box, shot and scored. But in their haste, both had 'forgotten' to take precautions; so far too much hit the back of the net, meaning the chance for both teams to do battle again, in around nine months. At the Child Support Agency Arena or the Theatre of Screams.
The lady was ecstatic that her Machiavellian plot had produced such a result. The shamefaced, traitorous footballer was less delighted, especially after telling his wife that his most recent fixture was adamant about having the baby. Cue a phone call from wifey, trilling down the phone in her best singing voice that if she ever comes across Brooke she would "bash her head in".
Careful, Brooke, she's got previous!

Best Beatboxer ever.

Here's a clip from French Pop Idol:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFDDxZFm7JQ

Knock Knock

Funny sketch from Pete and Brian:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DFTmBrMYPw

Finish him off?

Here's a brilliant Borat deleted scene:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rCZakKkNlo

Is the world going mental...

...because I think I like Robbie Savage.

From the post-match analysis of Blackburn's win over the whining Man City fans yesterday:

Richard Keys: "How much sympathy do you have for the Man City fans?"
Robbie Savage: "None, I'm a Blackburn player."

Spiderman 3 Footage

Wanna see 7 minutes of Spiderman 3? Wanna see some luvvy-duvvy shit about weddings? Ok no you don't. But do you wanna see Peter Parker fight the new Green Goblin between the skyscrapers of New York? Do you wanna clips of the Sandman? Wanna see a really quick flash of MUTHAFUCKING VENOM right at the end? Yeah you do. So click here mofo.

I'm not sure I even have 23 friends.

Patrice Evra is one of 24 (yes, twenty-four) siblings.

'Evra was born in Senegal's capital, Dakar, the youngest of eight children. His father, who married four times and added another 16 kids to the clan, worked for the Senegalese Embassy and was sent to work in Brussels before the family settled in France,' reported The Guardian a few weeks ago.

And said Evra himself to Inside United magazine earlier this week: "I'm always on the phone and all the lads joke with me asking what number sibling I'm talking to! It was great when we were younger because we could play a whole football tournament together! I love being part of a big family and it's beautiful when everyone is together."

Mitch Fatel

He's right - he's very funny


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahYqi3AQvMM

The Statement That At Least 90% Of The Viewing Nation Misconstrued

"And it's good news from Stamford Bridge" - ITV's Clive Tydseley prepares to announce that Porto have lost their lead.

Stolen from football365.com

Ricky Gervais in 24?

Ricky Gervais filmed a scene just for fun for season 6 of 24. He was too recognisable to be in the show, although you have may have seen Stephen Merchant pop up in the first episode. The scene Gervais filmed sounds brilliant:

"Ricky was just too recognizable to put in the show," "24" executive producer Jon Cassar told The Post. "But Stephen actually walks up to someone at CTU and hands them a piece of paper." Cassar said he hopes Gervais agrees to let the scene he filmed be included as a DVD extra. In the scene, a group of White House brass meet to discuss an impending terrorist threat. Gervais, dressed like a presidential advisor, keeps whispering under his breath to give the mission to Jack Bauer - and then acts incredulous when someone else says it aloud and takes credit for the idea.

Samoa who?

Back in 2001 on Sunday Night Heat, they keep talking about Eddie Guerrero, and Essa Rios is beating some jobber called Samoa Joe...

2001-03-03 Essa Rios VS. Samoa Joe
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