I'm leaving...

Hey peeps

I'm off work (and hence the internet) for a couple of weeks so no blog for a while... I hope you can cope...

Bye!

Definition: Rusty Trombone.

Rusty Trombone (noun)

To get one's anus rimmed whilst recieving a hearty reacharound, thus resembling a trombone player in full chorus.

Phoebe's rendition on my rusty trombone last night was so moving, it bought a tear to my eye.

Also known as the "Dirty Bristow", named so after darts player Eric Bristow, where the "playing the trombone" action is replaced by a similar "throwing a dart" movement.

For a DVD demonstration, check out http://smutbymail.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=656 (definitely not safe for work).

New England head coach

England rugby fans' wishful thinking perhaps?

The Greatest Movie Line Ever.

Some would say John Barrowman of Torchwood fame would be unlikely to utter the greatest movie line ever, and even more would say the greatest movie line ever is unlikely to be uttered in Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but here it is...



And he's gay...

24 Season 5 Prequel Clip

Getting excited about 24 season 6 starting in January on Sky, and then my brother emailed this clip he found - the Season 5 preview that shows us snippets of what happened between Season 3 and Season 4. See Jack get fired! See Jack get it on! See Jack say 'FUCK!'

This week on The X Factor...

Everyone knows The X Factor is nowhere near as good when it gets to the ungodly-long-studio-show-stage compared to the laughing-at-retards-auditioning-stage, but the pantomime between the judges is quite funny, and Leona is amazing. Holy Moly! have provided this week's songs (the theme is the original No 1 Hit Records):

Ray: La Vida Loca (with dancers)
Robert: You Are Not Alone (with choir)
Leona: Bridge Over Troubled Water (with choir)
Ben: With a Little Help From My Friends (with piano)
McCuntyChopBros: Love is All Around (With the whole world apart from Scotland wishing them syphilis)
Eton Rd: I Don't Feel Like Dancing (with Louis looking on hiding an erection)

How hard are they trying to make little Ray appeal to the gay audience? Ben should be really good doing a Joe Cocker style version With A Little Help From My Friends. Robert could go out with that song choice and spend the rest of his life crying into his girlfriend's huge belly, although I think the McDonald Brothers' time has finally come.

Gotta love Wikipedia.

I love the way people can post whatever they want on Wikipedia - as the photo on this entry suggests:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semen

What is this guy trying to do?

Another man enters the "I'm a dick" hall of fame.

FACT.

In Singapore it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.

My Top Five Songs Right Now.

The Masterplan - Oasis
First up is The Masterplan finally released as a single alongside Acquiesce on the Stop the Clocks EP, as part of the whole Greatest Hits thing. And it's got a video!



Who Cares? - Gnarls Barkley
Another top tune from Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse, with a mental video, top riff and strong vocals.



You're So Pretty, We're So Pretty - The Charlatans
Another song released as a single due to a Greatest Hits album, saw this live the other week. The first video is for the 2006 remix, the second is the original track, with Naomi Watts looking hot.





Bones - The Killers
This song has a Tim Burton directed video and has been a real grower for me, just like the first single off Sam's Town. Another top album.



Set The Fire To The Third Bar - Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright
I usually don't really like Snow Patrol, but this is a top tune. Would make a great Christmas No 1, but alas it comes out in November instead.



What's your top 5 right now?

If you like the blog...

... let me know. I have no idea who even reads this but would be nice to know if people like it/read it/want it to be deleted from the interweb forever...

Syphilis Girl

The dangers of promiscuity are highlighted in this entertaining pop promo - oh, actually it's a parody of Nelly Furtado and Timbaland's Promiscuous:

K-Fed v John Cena - it's on!

A little announcement about K-Fed - he will now be appearing in an actual wrestling match in the WWE! Yes, splitting up with Britney has clearly drove him mental (by the way, how hot does she look in this photo?) and he is going to get in the ring with WWE Champion John Cena on the New Year's Day edition of RAW - should be fun.

Cowfusion Trailer.

John Francis (formerly John Vibert), my mate from uni, has spent his last few months in Jersey making a feature film. I applaud this effort, and therefore have placed the trailer here for your perusal. It looks good to me and the DVD will be available for a fiver soon I hear, via the website: http://www.normalvibes.com/cowfusion.php so check it out.

When Jackass came to WWE

When WWE came to Hollywood recently (which started the whole K-Fed v John Cena thing), Chris 'Party Boy' Pontius and Steve-O got into the ring to take on all comers. And the Samoan bulldozer Umaga came in.

I assume Umaga took care of the guys at first to protect their bodies (although it looks pretty harsh), but you can tell when Steve-O starts laughing, Umaga decides to teach him a very stiff lesson...

The Simpsons Movie Trailer.

Can't say I've enjoyed an episode of The Simpsons in a long time, but I'm hoping they pull out all the stops on the movie...

Anyway, here's the newest trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thesimpsonsmovie/trailer/

Worst computer game titles ever.

Click here for the worst names for computer games ever.

Some of my favourites: Sticky Balls, Princess Tomato in Salad Kingdom, Booby Kids, Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together, Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja and Irritating Stick.

Spiderman 3 Trailer!

This is the proper trailer:

Ben Afleck is a legend.

Don't do interviews when you're pissed.

Modern Youth is Rubbish.

Some kid called MC Dicko has recorded a rap and put it on MySpace. The MySpace page has been taken down but now some bloke has put his pictures together to make a video for him. Brilliant.

Heat Vision and Jack.

This is a ridiculous 80s action show style pilot directed by Ben Stiller, and starring Jack Black, Owen Wilson and Ron Silver (and Ben Stiller's fit wife). It's about an astronaut who is caught in an accident which causes him to become super-clever and his flatmate becomes a motorbike. It's awesome...

Britney Sex Tape?

http://pornotube.com/media.php?m=60928 - this is believed to be from Britney's sex tape - in which she gives K-Fed head - don't know for sure if it's real, but it certainly looks like her - NOT WORK SAFE!!!

Heath Ledger Talks Joker.

I'm still not convinced, but this is what he has to say... I trust Christopher Nolan but I think Robin Williams, Adrien Brody or Jim Carrey would have been better.

HEATH LEDGER TALKS JOKER

by Daniel Robert Epstein

I recently got the chance to talk with Heath Ledger at a press roundtable for the movie Candy. While on the hot seat I got the chance to grill Ledger about his upcoming role of The Joker in The Dark Knight.

Daniel Robert Epstein: Have you started to think about how you will play The Joker?

Heath Ledger: Yeah. I’ve been trying to delay my commitment to the preparation process on that because I’m trying to extend my holiday time. I definitely have an image in my head. I definitely have something up my sleeve. I want to be very sinister. It’s so early that I’m trying to be open at this point. I don’t want to be glued down to anyone.

DRE: Have you read many Batman comics?

HL: No and I think that’s kind of helping me a little bit. I was never really a fan of comic books or comic book movies. I never despised them but I was never one to read them. I never sought out the films but I would sit down and enjoy them. So because of that I really feel that I’m not carrying much pressure.

DRE: Have they given or asked you to read certain comics?

HL: The Killing Joke was the one that was handed to me. I think it’s going to be the beginning of The Joker. I guess that book explains a little bit of where he’s from but not too much. From what I’ve gathered, there isn’t a lot of information about The Joker and it’s left that way.

DRE: Is doing the role of The Joker scary after Jack Nicholson did it so well?

HL: I’m not going for the same thing he went for. That would be stupid. It is also two very different directors with different styles. Tim Burton did a more fantastical kind of thing and Chris Nolan is doing nitty gritty handheld realism. I love what [Jack] did and that is part of why I want to do that role. I remember seeing it and thinking how much fun it would be to put on that mask and attempt to do something along those lines. But it would obviously be murder if I tried to imitate what he did.

DRE: They’re talking about bringing in the co-creator of The Joker, Jerry Robinson, as a consultant on The Dark Knight. I don’t know if it would be more of an honorary title.

HL: It probably is [laughs].

DRE: Have you ever wanted to do superhero movies before?

HL: Not really. With the tights and undies and the boots, I would just feel stupid and silly. I couldn’t pull it off and there are other people who can perfectly. But I just couldn’t take myself seriously. I feel like this is an opportunity to be in one and not do that. I just gravitated towards the villain role because I felt I had something to give to it. I instantly had an idea.

DRE: Have you done screen tests with The Joker makeup yet?

HL: No, but I did do 3-D image scanning. I don’t know what they’re doing with it. This Bat truck turned up at my place in L.A.. It had these gadgets and cameras that zoom around you and up and down you. It instantly projects a three dimensional image of you. I’ve never used anything that high tech before in a film. I felt like I was in the truck from Knight Rider.

ASBO Teens to Beauty Queens.

My friend worked on this, and it starts next Wednesday:

K-Fed dumped.

Britney's dumped K-Fed! Some people may be happy (and she was looking smoking on Letterman the other day), but I want to know what it means for my current favourite WWE 'personality'?!

Cheerleaders getting nailed. No, not in that way...

Harsh but funny.

What makes him horny.

It's funny cos it's true...

Silly boxer.

Seriously how hard can this be?

Code Provided by theYNC.com

Silly slappers.

Silly boys try to happy slap a girl who's walking with her boyfriend...

Give Andy Murray a crew cut.

In case you ever wanted to decide how a Scottish tennis player should get his hair cut, now's your chance: http://www.andymurray.com/hair-poll

David Blaine is back.

And he's doing street magic like the old days...

Chelski v Barca Special: I hate them both.

From Football365:

Quote Of The Day

"The worst thing about playing Chelsea is having to listen to Mourinho afterwards" - Barcelona defender Edmilson.

They Did It Says Jose Mourinho:

"There were players rolling around the pitch and a lot of yellow cards - and only one team contributed to that. At times, there were seven or eight players around the referee urging him to give cards. It is not easy for the referee because he was put under so much pressure from their players."

And I reiterate Fat Frank's goal was not good - he miscontrolled it and was lucky to recover enough to score.

Like a dolphin...

I'm a big fan of people doing stuff against the odds - and this armless swimmer is a prime example of it.

Don't rush decisions on Millionaire.

Oh dear.