The Rosenthal Report

No matter what you say, her boobs are ok.

2007-04-12T09:56:00.000+01:00

You have to appreciate the simplicity of a song called 'My Boobs Are OK'. Norwegian pop eh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44f7BewqNqA

Alanis Morissette does 'My Humps'.

2007-04-05T14:25:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g

The Netto version of Wayne and Coleen.

2007-04-04T15:25:00.000+01:00

And you didn't think Rooney and his girlfriend could get more tacky did you?

This is Wayne's brother Graham and Coleen's cousin Carly Gardiner, as seen at Coleen's 21st birthday party this week.

Seriously, imagine how annoyed you'd be if you were Wayne Rooney's brother, and not only are you not as good at football, but you're also an uglier version of Wayne Rooney. Doesn't bear thinking about.

Is Jose the Great One or the Special One?

2007-04-04T10:05:00.000+01:00

So Jose Mourinho's "unique" style of football manager interview is explained - he's a big fan of WWE wrestling. He would make an awesome wrestling manager - maybe he could do an angle with Vince McMahon? Problem is of course Jose would turn even Vince face as he is the ultimate heel...

As reported in the London Paper:

Jose reckons top wrestler is a Special One

by Luke Blackall with Jessica Barrett.

Friday, 23 March 2007

If the rumours are true, and Jose Mourinho leaves Chelsea this summer perhaps he could consider a career in the world of wrestling.The stern-faced football coach displayed girlish excitement when he bumped into WWE US professional wrestling champion Chris Benoit in the lobby of the Conrad London hotel, while at a team bonding session with the Chelsea players. After coming over to introduce himself, Mourinho called over his children to meet Benoit, who then posed for photos with the Mourinhos and his players, including Ashley Cole, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Carlo Cudicini, Petr Cech and Arjen Robben.

After the players went back to a group meeting, the manager remained for a little while to chat to his wrestling hero and Benoit’s wife, Nancy.

“It was really funny,” an onlooker tells theBuzz. “Jose just completely flipped out when he saw him. It turns out he’s a huge fan and watches it with the family the whole time.”

The pair chatted for ages, and got on famously, with Mourinho, the self-styled Special One, inviting Benoit to be his guest at a Chelsea game. The grappler returned the invitation when he’s back in town wrestling in a WWE show at Earl’s Court in April, but it was no use – it turned out the Chelsea boss had already sorted out tickets for him and his children.

Mourinho told Benoit: “I can’t get them to watch football but wrestling they watch all day!”

TheBuzz is not at all surprised if all they’ve got to watch is Chelsea...

David Nugent is my new hero.

2007-03-29T16:14:00.000+01:00

I told you I wanted David Nugent for Arsenal - he is the fox on the box Thierry's been looking for all this time! And anything that takes away a goal from Jermaine Defoe is a very good thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujijaZHneJQ

Look how smug this fucker is.

2007-03-28T09:35:00.000+01:00

If you could do snooker tricks like this, I guess you'd be smug too!

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

http://www.clipmasher.com/media/Amazing-Snooker-Tricks/3292.html

Peep Show Series 5!

2007-03-21T16:05:00.000Z

They nearly didn't commission a 4th series, but now they've already commissioned series 5, before the 4th series is shown next month...

Channel 4 confirms fifth 'Peep Show'

Channel 4 has commissioned a fifth series of Peep Show, with the fourth series not yet completely 'in the can.'Filming of the fourth series of the Objective Productions sitcom, which stars David Mitchell and Robert Webb, is only just nearing completion before it airs next month.The third series averaged an audience of 1.3 million at 10pm on Friday nights, but Channel 4 executives hope the ratings will rise as more viewers are drawn to the show.Objective's other hit, Star Stories, is also to get another run, with four new episodes having been ordered. The first series included parodies of the celebrity lives of George Michael, David Beckham and Madonna.Producer of Peep Show series three, Robert Popper, will be speaking at the Broadcast TV Comedy Forum on Friday at London's Soho Theatre.

How did he miss Fat Frank?

2007-03-20T13:45:00.000Z

Today's Mediawatch column on www.football365.com was so good, I've pretty much posted the entire thing for you all to read:

Seeing Double, Part One
We're 99 per cent certain that we can identify the man who is throwing the punch at Fat Frank.

And after Frank was selected on the left for England against Spain, we're fairly sure we've got the motive worked out as well.

It's just we're sure Stewart Downing was meant to be at Old Trafford.

A Family Affair
Was the absolutely outraged Jamie Redknapp who ranted, "They have got to make an example of him or it will go on. He should go to prison," about the Spurs fan whose aim was so bad that he managed to miss the largest man in the Premiership with his punch, the same Jamie Redknapp who repeatedly giggled like a little girl when Sky were analysing the punch from Valencia's David Navarro that actually did connect and broke Nicolas Burdisso's nose?

And if it was the same Jamie Redknapp (and Lord we hope there aren't two of them) then was the only difference between the incidents that one involved Jamie's cousin Frank?

Just So You All Know
In case anyone missed last night's repeated announcement from the national broadcasting corporation, Mediawatch feels it is our duty to pass on the news that Andriy Shevchenko, Michael Ballack and SWP have all come good now, so there's no need for anyone to suggest they were a waste of money.

Apparently they had a "lack of confidence" but it's back now.

So that's good.

Understanding Base Motives
Said Mark Bright, tragically poor throughout the evening's MotD commentary, of the White Hart Lane crowd:

"They're booing Ashley Cole now, purely because he used to play for Arsenal."

We can't have been the only ones who actually said out loud, "Well, and because he's a c**t..."

Seeing Double, Part Two
From the BBC website's live clockwatch:

'2005: England coach Steve McClaren - after a busy day calling Preston's David Nugent and Aston Villa's Gareth Barry into his latest squad - must be hoping there are no fresh injuries at Old Trafford, where he is watching from the stands.'

We can only assume it's not the same Steve McClaren pictured on BBC 1 in the stands at White Hart Lane two minutes later.

We Don't Know What You Did Last Summer
"Frank Lampard's always in form" - John Motson.

Join The Club
'Barca Deny Ronaldo Contact' - The Press Association.

So does everybody else.

Predictable Headlines Of The Day
'Spot-On Ronnie Seals It' - The Daily Star.

'Portuguese King Spot On To Keep Dream Alive' - The Daily Mirror.

'Spot Of Bother' - The Daily Mail.

'Spotcha' - The Sun.

'Diana: Vital Evidence Was Kept Secret' - The Daily Express.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
Reports The Sun:

'Mr Tumble, the sign-language presenter on CBeebies, has been accused of signing "I'm f****** you" instead of "I'm happy to see you" when he greets children on the channel. Startled viewers have complained to the BBC, which has denied the allegation.

'Apparently in the Makaton sign language, the signs for f****** and happy are quite similar.'

Which makes sense to us.

Like Chalk And, Erm, Rubbish
Opined Spurs sporting director Damien Comolli of Sevilla in The Guardian at the weekend:

"It's a team we know very well. They did very well against Middlesbrough last year. They are like us."

Sevilla are UEFA Cup holders, European Super Cup holders, challenging for the Spanish league title and have beaten Barcelona twice this season. And Spurs?

Well, let's just say Mediawatch isn't surprised no-one gets the two clubs mixed up.

Quote Of The Day
"In that situation, we would all love to do that" - Gareth Southgate analyses James Morrison's attempted knee-capping of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Runner-Up
"It's a disgrace. I know Gareth's a friend of Stuart Pearce's and they had Manchester United to face. But it's scandalous and I would love to see them lose their next six games and see how they feel in the last couple, under that sort of pressure. I don't think a club like Boro should disrespect Sheffield United. To not have any of those players playing against City, especially with the way they are playing at the moment, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He's only a young manager but I hope that one day it happens to him and he sees what effect it can have. They play West Ham next and Alan Curbishley is another mate of his. He'll probably not bother there, either" - Neil 'Colin' Warnock, presumably bitter because he doesn't have any friends to do him favours. Either in football or real life.

Response To The Runner-Up
"Some people have had plenty to say about the team I picked on Saturday. It was not just Neil Warnock, there were others as well. I make decisions for the benefit of this football club and I will pick whatever team I want" - Not that Gareth Southgate was bothered.

Rumour Of The Day
'The FA wants Spurs to explain why one of their fans attempted to punch Frank Lampard last night' - The Guardian, who obviously aren't familiar with either Frank Lampard or football fans.

Can Crouch and Rooney play together?

2007-03-19T16:13:00.000Z

This is funny on its own, but an actual piece of genius thanks to Ian Wright's non-PC comment at the end. From the man who once inserted the phrase "creamed myself" in a piece of punditry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDH8RKhwCkc

Ricky Gervais on Comic Relief.

2007-03-19T16:04:00.000Z

You may think it's bad taste, but you're wrong and it's very, very funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ia__1d_rM

David Nugent for Arsenal?

2007-03-19T11:32:00.000Z

I've been thinking - David Nugent is the perfect player to replace Aliadiere and Baptista alongside Bendtner next season. You've got Henry leading, with Robin Van Persie comfortably ready to be a top striker (his goals-to-games ratio this season is very good and we've missed him loads). Adebayor has shown promise and is a decent third striker. Bendtner supposedly has all the assets you want and needs some games for Arsenal next season - he's got to be better than Baptista. Then Nugent takes over from Aliadiere. He's on the fringe of the England squad thanks to all the injuries and scores regularly but I'm sure he needs Wenger-style polishing. How's that sound?

R Kelly sings about what he loves doing best.

2007-03-19T10:35:00.000Z

Dave Chappelle spoofs R Kelly in this music video about his predilection for Golden Showers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDK-Z7EVh6A

You Tell Him Kyle!

2007-03-16T17:35:00.000Z

Apologies for the lack of an ending, but this bloke is such a nobhead, this is worth a watch regardless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qYVi7NW3fs

Cashley Cole gets reported on Holy Moly! today

2007-03-16T16:17:00.000Z

From today's gossip-filled Holy Moly! email:

He Shoots, He Scores!
A certain much-hated and in-no-way greedy footballer is in a (penalty) spot of bother with his bride of a few months.
The sportsman took advantage of his expanded pay packet by revealing his expanded packet to a well-known soccer groupie called Brooke.
The boy done well, slipped into the box, shot and scored. But in their haste, both had 'forgotten' to take precautions; so far too much hit the back of the net, meaning the chance for both teams to do battle again, in around nine months. At the Child Support Agency Arena or the Theatre of Screams.
The lady was ecstatic that her Machiavellian plot had produced such a result. The shamefaced, traitorous footballer was less delighted, especially after telling his wife that his most recent fixture was adamant about having the baby. Cue a phone call from wifey, trilling down the phone in her best singing voice that if she ever comes across Brooke she would "bash her head in".
Careful, Brooke, she's got previous!

Best Beatboxer ever.

2007-03-14T14:18:00.001Z

Here's a clip from French Pop Idol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFDDxZFm7JQ

Knock Knock

2007-03-14T14:06:00.000Z

Funny sketch from Pete and Brian:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DFTmBrMYPw

Finish him off?

2007-03-14T13:54:00.000Z

Here's a brilliant Borat deleted scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rCZakKkNlo

Is the world going mental...

2007-03-12T13:54:00.000Z

...because I think I like Robbie Savage.

From the post-match analysis of Blackburn's win over the whining Man City fans yesterday:

Richard Keys: "How much sympathy do you have for the Man City fans?"
Robbie Savage: "None, I'm a Blackburn player."

Spiderman 3 Footage

2007-03-09T17:17:00.000Z

Wanna see 7 minutes of Spiderman 3? Wanna see some luvvy-duvvy shit about weddings? Ok no you don't. But do you wanna see Peter Parker fight the new Green Goblin between the skyscrapers of New York? Do you wanna clips of the Sandman? Wanna see a really quick flash of MUTHAFUCKING VENOM right at the end? Yeah you do. So click here mofo.

I'm not sure I even have 23 friends.

2007-03-09T14:06:00.001Z

Patrice Evra is one of 24 (yes, twenty-four) siblings.

'Evra was born in Senegal's capital, Dakar, the youngest of eight children. His father, who married four times and added another 16 kids to the clan, worked for the Senegalese Embassy and was sent to work in Brussels before the family settled in France,' reported The Guardian a few weeks ago.

And said Evra himself to Inside United magazine earlier this week: "I'm always on the phone and all the lads joke with me asking what number sibling I'm talking to! It was great when we were younger because we could play a whole football tournament together! I love being part of a big family and it's beautiful when everyone is together."

Mitch Fatel

2007-03-09T10:50:00.000Z

He's right - he's very funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahYqi3AQvMM

The Statement That At Least 90% Of The Viewing Nation Misconstrued

2007-03-07T13:52:00.001Z

"And it's good news from Stamford Bridge" - ITV's Clive Tydseley prepares to announce that Porto have lost their lead.

Stolen from football365.com

Ricky Gervais in 24?

2007-03-07T11:13:00.000Z

Ricky Gervais filmed a scene just for fun for season 6 of 24. He was too recognisable to be in the show, although you have may have seen Stephen Merchant pop up in the first episode. The scene Gervais filmed sounds brilliant:

"Ricky was just too recognizable to put in the show," "24" executive producer Jon Cassar told The Post. "But Stephen actually walks up to someone at CTU and hands them a piece of paper." Cassar said he hopes Gervais agrees to let the scene he filmed be included as a DVD extra. In the scene, a group of White House brass meet to discuss an impending terrorist threat. Gervais, dressed like a presidential advisor, keeps whispering under his breath to give the mission to Jack Bauer - and then acts incredulous when someone else says it aloud and takes credit for the idea.

Samoa who?

2007-03-06T14:21:00.000Z

Back in 2001 on Sunday Night Heat, they keep talking about Eddie Guerrero, and Essa Rios is beating some jobber called Samoa Joe...

2001-03-03 Essa Rios VS. Samoa Joe
Uploaded by ScottHallsDrunkDriver

Time on your hands?

2007-01-30T09:42:00.000Z

This made me laugh - don't know why:

IT'S FLICKY! - video powered by Metacafe

My Top Five Songs Right Now.

2007-01-22T15:42:00.000Z

Mason vs Princess Superstar - Perfect
This mash up has really grown on me, and made me check out Bad Babysitter, Princess Superstar's other hit - remember that?

Klaxons - Golden Skans
The 'nu-rave' band's new single is possibly their best release yet - look forward to picking up the album.

Mika - Grace Kelly
I wasn't sure about this one at first, but the Freddie-style wailing deserves its place at number 1.

Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby
The Kaisers come back with this, a song I like now but I'm sure to be tired of in a month's time when it's severely overplayed.

Planet Funk - Chase The Sun
Admittedly I only have 4 songs I like enough to get in my top 5 today (there were a few also rans - Nas - Hip Hop Is Dead, Guillemots - Annie, Let's Not Wait, Kelis - Lil Star, The View - Same Jeans - but they just miss out on the list I'm afraid) so I thought I'd include a song that's very personal to me - it's the song they play before and after the darts on Sky! For some reason I always sing it when I'm being a 'lad'.

Monday morning morons - always fun to see people hurt themselves...

2007-01-22T10:58:00.000Z

Watch the girl at the end...

Face plant to the floor.

2007-01-22T10:52:00.000Z

Oh dear god, this looks painful.

How not to do a wall flip.

2007-01-22T10:50:00.000Z

Reminds me of when I tried to flip Offord...

Best Goal Ever?

2007-01-19T10:35:00.000Z

How have I never seen this goal before? It was scored last year by Biava for Italian side Palermo.

Blades of Glory

2007-01-16T17:19:00.000Z

There is no way this film will not rock the body that rocks the party.

Keeley's Sex Tape

2007-01-16T12:08:00.000Z

http://www.totallynsfw.com/videos/videos_keeley_hazell_full_sextape

Yes, it's totally UNSAFE FOR WORK, but it is certainly Keeley Hazell's sex tape. Decent start, but the camera positioning for the actual sex is awful.

Anyway, this of course holds no interest for me, but I thought you might want to know. Because you're a dirty pervert.

If I was organising a festival this year...

2007-01-16T10:50:00.000Z

I was thinking today about how good V was last year, and Glastonbury coming back this year, and how Oxegen looks good every year, and how will I choose which festival to go to?

So I've come up with 10 acts that could feasibly be booked at a festival this year. If a festival has 5 of them, then I should go to that one...

Kasabian
Basement Jaxx
Killers
Gnarls Barkley
The Who
Oasis
Kanye West
The Cure
Kaiser Chiefs
Ian Brown

Who would you want booked?

Manliness

2007-01-15T15:49:00.000Z

A little question for you today - what makes a man manly?

What activities indicate manliness?

How could one be the ultimate manly man?

Leave me a comment

Cheers

Aaron

BARRY!

2007-01-12T16:17:00.000Z

This will only make sense to people who have visited the hog's Head in Sidcup...

Midget Fight.

2007-01-11T17:21:00.001Z

Oh Jerry - this is ridiculous.

My Top Five Songs Right Now.

2007-01-11T12:29:00.000Z

Just Jack - Starz In Their Eyes
Although I'm not liking the way he's put a 'z' in the title, this is a good track about the current phenomenon of talent shows on TV.

Kasabian - Me Plus One
Another Kasabian track gets in my Top Five and I still haven't got around to picking up the Empire album, must get around to that. By the way, you may recognise this from MOTD2.

Bloc Party - The Prayer
This may be a slow burner just like both of the Killers singles from the new album, but is a top track from the new Bloc Party album.

Space Cowboy featuring Nadia Oh - My Egyptian Lover
I almost turned this off the first time I heard it a couple of months ago but there is something mesmerising about this one. It's true that it could be the sexy young lady talking nonsense about not buying her a drink and instead going back to hers for a shag. Well at least that's what I took from the lyrics.

The Good, The Bad and The Queen - Kingdom of Doom
This is Damon Albarn's new project, which also features Paul Simonson from The Clash on bass (with some ridiculous posturing), Simon Tong (guitarist for The Verve, as well as on Blur's Think Tank and Gorillaz's Demon Days and Afrobeat pioneer Tony Allen on drums.

What's your Top 5? Leave me a comment if I've left off a great track around at the moment. I think Mason vs Princess Superstar - Perfect will get in the next Top Five.

Jackass 2 Deleted Scenes

2007-01-10T10:41:00.000Z

This is all the most disgusting deleted scenes from Jackass 2, including a hilarious music video for Fuck The Pain Away by Peaches. Warning: they nearly all contain male genitals.

Jackass 2 Deleted Scenes
Uploaded by Flavor

Why do this?

2007-01-10T10:31:00.000Z

Oh dear god, that looks extremely painful.

Snuffbox.

2007-01-10T10:21:00.000Z

It occurred to me it's about time I introduced you all to the magic of Channel X's comedy masterpiece Snuff Box - enjoy:

Hot twins in the shower... oh my. FULL VERSION!!!

2007-01-09T17:53:00.000Z

Oh yes indeed, this is the full scene of the hot Sorrell twins in the shower - including the kiss!

And yes, I don't care that it is technically incestual.

http://www.celebflix.com/free_sm/index/a/alicia_loren_annie_sorell/
m01.mpg

One body, two heads.

2007-01-09T13:56:00.001Z

I can't get my head around how these conjoined twins co-exist...

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=5237

Best Hip Hop Artist Name Today.

2007-01-09T10:36:00.000Z

I'm getting this CD: http://www.hiphopsite.com/SEARCH/?ITEM=314C74CF-6955-4CEE-94C4-F10253E9A635

Did they forget the dog was in the back?

2007-01-09T10:13:00.001Z

Just makes me laugh:

What a wonderful expression.

2007-01-09T10:00:00.000Z

This is an old one, but a good one - watch Noel try and dig himself out of the hole he finds himself in:

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

2007-01-09T09:49:00.000Z

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/fantasticfourriseofthesilversurfer/

New teaser trailer for the Fantastic Four sequel - I'm not such a comic geek that I even know much about Silver Surfer, but I believe there's sufficient reason to be excited about this.

Hot twins in the shower... oh my.

2007-01-08T11:38:00.000Z

Now call me a pervert if you must, but I know many men (and some women) will appreciate me posting this on the blog today. It's a scene from Cruel Intentions 2, a film I did not realise should be on my 'must see' list. There's rumours of a kiss between the twins, but inexplicably that appears to have been cut from this clip! May have to pick up that DVD.

By the way, this is UNSAFE FOR WORK. Well at least, if the boss is next to you...

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/148902/perfection_full_version/

Confess to me...

2007-01-05T11:10:00.000Z

Hey peeps

Been a while since I've been able to update the blog but don't worry, I haven't forgotten you, just been very busy.

For now though, you can help me.

I'm working on a programme idea in which people confess to things they've done in their past that have been embarrassing, shameful, funny, etc. I need some real life examples for the treatment I'm writing so I was wondering if you could help me. You do this anonymously if you like by leaving it was a comment under this post (click on '0 comments' underneath this message) or just send me an email if you don't care about anonymity. I'll post all the funniest ones with names changed at the end.

Cheers peeps

Proper Transformers trailer online.

2006-12-27T11:33:00.000Z

This looks like it may be pretty frickin' cool. Wait a sec, is that Optimus Prime halfway through???

http://uk.promotions.yahoo.com/transformers/

Scooter Spin.

2006-12-27T11:23:00.000Z

How would this have gone if it went right?

Showboat

2006-12-21T12:15:00.000Z

The best football tricks ever:

My Top Five Christmas Songs Right Now.

2006-12-20T16:59:00.000Z

Here's my rundown of what I think are the best christmas songs ever:

First up is Paul McCartney and Wings with Wonderful Christmas Time, which is a bit naff but I like it (just beat out Shakin' Stevens' Merry Christmas Everyone):

Next up are The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl with Fairytale of New York. It's a bit trendy to like this one now, but it is a classic:

Now we have Slade with their classic Merry Xmas Everybody - getting in the mood now?

Now, you couldn't have christmas without charity classic Do They Know It's Christmas? by Band Aid - here's the original version (minus Dizzee Rascal unfortunately but thankfully missing Joss Stone trying to grab all the attention):

Ok, here's Band Aid 2 as a bonus, great if you want to see Wet Wet Wet, Lisa Stansfield and the blonde from Bananarama laughing to one of the Goss brothers for dancing like a tit:

Oh fuck it, here's Band Aid 20 too - just don't say I didn't warn you - although I do like it when Thom Yorke, Paul McCartney and Danny Goffey spaz out near the end:

And finally - my favourite ever christmas song: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard!

Nooooooooooooo, not Scary Mary!!!

2006-12-20T16:48:00.000Z

Oh god, I never want to watch this film, it's too scary...

Silly girls.

2006-12-19T14:46:00.000Z

It's not usually women who do these stupid things, but the effects are the same:

New Simpsons Teaser trailer

2006-12-19T13:12:00.001Z

http://www.foxfilm.at/trailer/simpsonstrailerII.wmv

Adriana Lima: Virgin.

2006-12-19T12:38:00.000Z

I know this is slightly old news now, but in case you didn't know, Adriana Lima (yes, that hot girl above) is a virgin. Ridiculous.

I refuse to believe her. She emits pure filth when I look at her.

But there's quotes:

"Sex is for after marriage. Men have to respect that this is my choice. If there's no respect, that means they don't want me."

"People ask me if he (Lenny Kravitz) was good in the bed. And I always say 'I don't know!'...Quite honestly I don't, and never have, cared."

Yes, Lenny Kravitz went out with her and didn't get any action. That must have been worse than not going out with her surely?!

You may think I just wrote this up as an excuse for posting these photos of her. And you'd be right.

Evolution of Beauty.

2006-12-19T12:33:00.000Z

You may remember this advert from Dove, all about how make up and photoshop is used to make people look better. no shit Sherlock!

Anyway, who wants to look at ugly people, as this parody suggests:

The Wotton Appreciation Society

2006-12-15T14:18:00.000Z

Bored? Love Wotton? Join the Wotton Appreciation Society. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226324418

By the way, this is funny (go to the bottom of the career outline section): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colin_Montgomerie

And this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Pressman (Well done Ollie)

RIP Peter Boyle

2006-12-14T12:56:00.000Z

Sad news as Peter Boyle died today. I liked him most as the grumpy dad in Everybody Loves Raymond and the man who thinks he's Jesus in cult classic The Dream Team. In fact, treat yourself today and buy a copy of The Dream Team to see him in action alongside Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd - it's awesome. Buy it here for £6 for a good laugh.

Screeched.

2006-12-13T16:49:00.000Z

You may have heard someone from Saved By The Bell has recorded their own amateur porn film. You'd probably think/hope it was Elizabeth Berkley, the one that was in Showgirls. Or maybe Tiffani Amber Thiessen, who played the lovely Kelly. Nope, afraid not, it was one of the guys, although they did have a threesome with two girls. You could probably believe Zach could use his smoothness to persuade two women to go down on each other and do naughty things with a double ender. Or maybe AC Slater could wrestle them and give them a good pummeling. Oh no no, it was Dustin Diamond. Yeah, that's right, it was Screech, the geeky one. Click http://www.totallynsfw.com/videos/videos_screeched_preview if you want to put yourself through the extremely not safe for work footage of Screech shagging two girls and giving one of them a Dirty Sanchez.

How to deal with a heckler.

2006-12-13T15:33:00.000Z

Every comedian will have been forced to deal with a heckler - lucky for the comedian, he's the one with the mic and the wit, while the heckler is usually a moron with a beer.

Of course, there was a lot of uproar recently when Michael Richards, who played Kramer in Seinfeld, went nuts at some hecklers and started abusing them racially, as seen here:

Not the best way to do it I'm sure you'll agree. Joe Rogan does it much better:

Or you can go for the simple approach, like Thom Yorke from Radiohead:

Try to avoid doing what Pauly Shore did though:

Joey Barton introduces himself to his future international teammates.

2006-12-13T15:01:00.000Z

"England did nothing in the World Cup, so why were they bringing books out? 'We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like s**t. Here's my book.' Who wants to read that? I don't. I watched the World Cup and there wasn't a team. It seemed to be individuals playing for themselves" - Joey Barton.

No one can accuse him of not telling it as it is.

therosenthalreport.blogpot.com

2006-12-13T10:07:00.000Z

It's come to my attention (thanks to my little sister Amelia), that this blog is a mere one letter away from God. Click on http://therosenthalreport.blogpot.com to find out what I mean! You'll also find on there that I appear to have a Christian search engine...

Victoria's Secret.

2006-12-13T09:33:00.000Z

As an avid fashion fan, I feel it's important to put this video of the latest range of lingerie from Victoria's Secret. There may be some attractive models in there too. Maybe.

Victorias Secret Fashion show 2006
Uploaded by dpwilliams

Ginger Bloke Meets Girls Aloud.

2006-12-12T15:32:00.000Z

My mate Danny has another life as Ginger Bloke, who appears on Gonzo every week on MTV2. What do you mean you haven't seen it before? That doesn't matter - here's his interview with Girls Aloud:

Heidi Klum is beautiful.

2006-12-12T10:28:00.000Z

Wah wah wee wah. Click http://gorillamask.net/heidi-klum-jane.shtml for some of the most ridiculously beautiful photos you've ever seen.

"I've Got Big Balls."

2006-12-12T10:03:00.000Z

There's a fine line between being a dick and having big balls; being a dick means you do something stupid and you get punished accordingly, having big balls means you do something stupid and come out looking like a legend.

More random photos from my life.

2006-12-11T15:17:00.000Z

As I'm adding photos today, here are a few more randoms:

Did the Emirates Stadium tour for my dad's birthday - he asked my brother to be Pat Rice to his Arsene Wenger when he got the chance to sit in the dugout.

Dad meets the Herbert Chapman, albeit in statue form.

The legend Charlie George gave us the tour. My dad asked him approximately no questions.

Well done, Herbert.

The classic back four.

Curt with the shirt of everyone's favourite player - Kolo Toure. No crowding around Henry's shirt for us.

Jens is definitely my dad's favourite.

Gallas is the new Bergkamp.

Funny night at Islington Academy, at the Club de Fromage night. This is shortly before Pat emptied water all over me and we reenacted Rocky Balboa vs Apollo Creed to the Rocky theme. note Nathan is there in the background.

Liz looks like she brought a special needs boy out with her for the night and is severely regretting that decision.

Only Nath knows why this is funny.

A real life Egyptian mummy!

Nath finds he had a previous life in Ancient Egypt.

Posers.

My Mirror Face.

2006-12-11T15:07:00.000Z

It has been pointed out on occasion that I pull what some would call a 'silly face' when I look in the mirror/window reflection/piece of metal/any reflective surface. A face like this:

This has spawned a series of imitators:

I don't know why I do this, I really don't. If you think you can do my face better, post it here.

How much hair can two people possess?

2006-12-11T14:59:00.000Z

It appears two people can have a LOT of hair.

And when they do, they like to pose.

Smeghead.

2006-12-11T10:24:00.000Z

A discussion I had about smegma this weekend (as you do) reminded me of the great knob cheese debate which took place a few months ago on my old MySpace Blog. It's an entertaining read.

Then of course, Wikipedia goes a step further. If you're not eating, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma and click on 'Images of Smegma' near the bottom of the page.

Best Picture Ever?

2006-12-11T10:15:00.000Z

You're in Cyprus with Jordan Knight, Jodie Marsh and Syd Little - of course you take a photo!

Blunder: Karate Johnson.

2006-12-08T11:35:00.000Z

Another sketch from Blunder, made by Channel X, which is on Channel 4 tonight and repeated on E4 sometime over the weekend I think.

Another You've Been Framed moment.

2006-12-08T09:43:00.000Z

People hurting themselves doesn't ever stop being funny.

Get Off The West Field.

2006-12-07T16:19:00.000Z

http://www.getoffthewestfield.com/ is a tribute to Mr Horrobin, the disciplinarian rugby teacher who passed away this year due to a brain tumour. He may have scared many of us at Chis and Sid into doing up our top button or rolling down their skirt, but he was a fun teacher who instilled a try-hard work ethic into me which has led to a competitive streak whenever I tie up my boots for any sport. It may seem silly, but I'm still proud of the fact he pointed me out as the best defensive performance in a touch rugby tournament - a small thing, but not forgotten.
Rest In Peace Mr Horrobin.

Arsenal's Champions League future.

2006-12-07T15:21:00.000Z

Unlike some people moaning about the Porto game last night, I loved it. Got the exact right result and the last 10 minutes made total sense for both teams.

And so we finish top of the group and in the last 16. This time last season (when we got to the Champions League final I'll remind you), we faced Real Madrid, and that wasn't too bad! Neverless, from the 7 teams we can play, I'd rather have Lille thanks. Maybe PSV. I realise by saying this I could be jinxing it, but please not Barca!!! I hate them.

Group Winners

Chelsea (ENG)
Bayern Munich (GER)
Liverpool (ENG)
Valencia (SPA)
Lyon (FRA)
Manchester United (ENG)
Arsenal (ENG)
AC Milan (ITA)

Group Runners-Up

Barcelona (SPA)
Inter Milan (ITA)
PSV Eindhoven (HOL)
Roma (ITA)
Real Madrid (SPA)
Celtic (SCO)
Porto (POR)
Lille (FRA)

Biff is back.

2006-12-07T12:22:00.000Z

Tom Wilson, better known as Biff from Back To The Future, is back with another song:

Thanks for that Martin

2006-12-06T14:16:00.000Z

"I didn't want to talk to people for probably the next three weeks after that defeat," says Martin Jol as he recalls the trauma of Spurs' defeat at West Ham in May. "I touched my wife but didn't speak to her."

Was there any need for us to know that Mr Jol? Maybe he fancies himself somewhat as a Dutch Jordan Knight...

Blunder: The Woman Who Speaks Comedy.

2006-12-06T11:55:00.000Z

Another sketch from Channel X's Blunder, which is on E4 on Thursday at 10pm, and Channel 4 on Friday at 10.50pm.

Haven't Heard It In Ages: Jordan Knight - Give It To You.

2006-12-06T11:26:00.000Z

You may remember this track from the former New Kid On The Block Jordan Knight as it is a true classic of its era. What I didn't remember was how filthy the lyrics are, despite the clean cut video in a fairground. Some samples:

It's creepin' around in your head,
Me holdin' you down in my bed,
You don't have to say a word,
I'm convinced, you want this

Actually Jordan, thanks to a change in the law, the rule is you have to get them to say 'yes' these days, it's not enough she's not saying 'no'. Technically you're a rapist.

Baby, you know I can give it to you
You can't deny, I'd do it right
Just let me know, and I'll give it to you
Show me where, I'll TASTE you there
Baby you know, that I'll give it to you
Your body needs a man like me
Anything goes, when I give it to you
Without a doubt, I'll turn you out
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine
Anyone can make you sweat (ohh)
But I, can keep you wet

Admittedly it's unlikely a rapist would perform cunnilingus, but then you wouldn't think DMX could be raped by a woman just because his light was turned off but it happened.

Anyway, it's a seminal classic, so enjoy...

"Smack That".

2006-12-05T14:59:00.000Z

You may be aware of the rap star known as Akon (or to his mother as Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam). He did that song Lonely, with what sounded like a duck singing the chorus. Yeah, that bloke.

Anyway, I'd pretty much ignored him as much as was possible to do so until I listened to his latest song Smack That, which I'll come back to in a minute.

So I find he's been arrested lots of times, including for Grand Theft Auto which he got 3 years for. He seems quite proud of this, referencing it on numerous occasions in his songs, such as Locked Up and Konvicted. I can't help but think his time in jail would have better served learning to spell properly, preparing him for his career as a songwriter.

He's also a Muslim and cites the Koran to justify his polygamist lifestyle, which includes having three wives. I'm not sure the Koran justifies nicking people's cars though does it Mr Akon, although I may be wrong.

Akon is also supposed to be developing a movie of his life: Money, Power & Respect: A Hustler's Dream. Sounds like top stuff.

The thing is, I'm willing to ignore all of this due to the true genius of his new track, the aforementioned Smack That.

Lyrically, it's a masterpiece. I've yet to hear anyone emit the following lyrics with such heartfelt emotion:

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow,
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like Tae Bo,
And possibly bend you over. Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

Lennon and McCartney wish they were that good. I think I mostly like it because you're just not expecting him to suddenly bend over the lady in question after kicking it like Tae Bo. Of course, I also appreciate the fact that once his lady friend (who presumably isn't one of his three wives) has a sore vagina, he will stop smacking that, like a true gentleman would.

Of course, that's assuming 'smack that' is a euphenism for sexual intercourse. He could be literally bending her over and smacking her buttocks, in some kind of spanking fetish.

By the way, I think I would be remiss here to only heap praise on Mr Akon for this masterwork. Eminem also features in what is certainly not a quick and easy cash-in, and Smack That is the product of no less than 5 writers, all of whom should be very proud of their work.

So for those of you unlucky enough not to have sampled Smack That, here is the video which suits the song accordingly - it has a similar plot to the Eddie Murphy/Nick Nolte classic 48 Hours, except it's 24 hours (genius twist) and it features Eric Roberts, best known for being Julia Roberts' brother.

Enjoy!

Blunder: The Baron.

2006-12-05T11:28:00.000Z

Channel X (the company I work for - and it's not porn) made the comedy sketch show Blunder which is currently on E4 on Thursdays at 10pm and Channel 4 on Fridays at 10.35pm and I think it's pretty funny. Check out this clip from the first show:

Click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX-5B_SgmFg if you want to laugh at people arguing at how funny/unfunny it is as well!

Borat: The Truth.

2006-12-04T15:22:00.000Z

This very interesting article investigates what was real and what was staged in the recently released (and very funny) Borat movie. Surprisingly (and disturbingly), it appears everything but the Pamela Anderson and prostitute stuff was real, e.g. the Jewish couple that owned the B & B were real, he really did break all that stuff in the antiques shop, etc. Great stuff...

www.salon.com/ent/feature/2006/11/10/guide_to_borat/index1.html

I'm Back...

2006-12-04T11:14:00.000Z

I'm back at work after a nice relaxing break which sucks for me but rocks for you as the blog is back. Unless anyone who ever read it has forgotten it even existed.

I have a million emails to read and loads of work to catch up on, but here's a photo to begin the blogging again...

I'm leaving...

2006-11-22T18:00:00.000Z

Hey peeps

I'm off work (and hence the internet) for a couple of weeks so no blog for a while... I hope you can cope...

Bye!

Definition: Rusty Trombone.

2006-11-22T12:47:00.000Z

Rusty Trombone (noun)

To get one's anus rimmed whilst recieving a hearty reacharound, thus resembling a trombone player in full chorus.

Phoebe's rendition on my rusty trombone last night was so moving, it bought a tear to my eye.

Also known as the "Dirty Bristow", named so after darts player Eric Bristow, where the "playing the trombone" action is replaced by a similar "throwing a dart" movement.

For a DVD demonstration, check out http://smutbymail.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=656 (definitely not safe for work).

New England head coach

2006-11-22T11:41:00.000Z

England rugby fans' wishful thinking perhaps?

The Greatest Movie Line Ever.

2006-11-22T10:32:00.000Z

Some would say John Barrowman of Torchwood fame would be unlikely to utter the greatest movie line ever, and even more would say the greatest movie line ever is unlikely to be uttered in Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but here it is...

And he's gay...

24 Season 5 Prequel Clip

2006-11-20T16:20:00.000Z

Getting excited about 24 season 6 starting in January on Sky, and then my brother emailed this clip he found - the Season 5 preview that shows us snippets of what happened between Season 3 and Season 4. See Jack get fired! See Jack get it on! See Jack say 'FUCK!'

This week on The X Factor...

2006-11-17T14:20:00.000Z

Everyone knows The X Factor is nowhere near as good when it gets to the ungodly-long-studio-show-stage compared to the laughing-at-retards-auditioning-stage, but the pantomime between the judges is quite funny, and Leona is amazing. Holy Moly! have provided this week's songs (the theme is the original No 1 Hit Records):

Ray: La Vida Loca (with dancers)
Robert: You Are Not Alone (with choir)
Leona: Bridge Over Troubled Water (with choir)
Ben: With a Little Help From My Friends (with piano)
McCuntyChopBros: Love is All Around (With the whole world apart from Scotland wishing them syphilis)
Eton Rd: I Don't Feel Like Dancing (with Louis looking on hiding an erection)

How hard are they trying to make little Ray appeal to the gay audience? Ben should be really good doing a Joe Cocker style version With A Little Help From My Friends. Robert could go out with that song choice and spend the rest of his life crying into his girlfriend's huge belly, although I think the McDonald Brothers' time has finally come.

Gotta love Wikipedia.

2006-11-17T14:17:00.000Z

I love the way people can post whatever they want on Wikipedia - as the photo on this entry suggests:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semen

What is this guy trying to do?

2006-11-17T10:52:00.000Z

Another man enters the "I'm a dick" hall of fame.

FACT.

2006-11-17T10:40:00.000Z

In Singapore it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.

My Top Five Songs Right Now.

2006-11-16T17:43:00.000Z

The Masterplan - Oasis
First up is The Masterplan finally released as a single alongside Acquiesce on the Stop the Clocks EP, as part of the whole Greatest Hits thing. And it's got a video!

Who Cares? - Gnarls Barkley
Another top tune from Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse, with a mental video, top riff and strong vocals.

You're So Pretty, We're So Pretty - The Charlatans
Another song released as a single due to a Greatest Hits album, saw this live the other week. The first video is for the 2006 remix, the second is the original track, with Naomi Watts looking hot.

Bones - The Killers
This song has a Tim Burton directed video and has been a real grower for me, just like the first single off Sam's Town. Another top album.

Set The Fire To The Third Bar - Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright
I usually don't really like Snow Patrol, but this is a top tune. Would make a great Christmas No 1, but alas it comes out in November instead.

What's your top 5 right now?

If you like the blog...

2006-11-16T14:29:00.000Z

... let me know. I have no idea who even reads this but would be nice to know if people like it/read it/want it to be deleted from the interweb forever...

Syphilis Girl

2006-11-16T14:25:00.000Z

The dangers of promiscuity are highlighted in this entertaining pop promo - oh, actually it's a parody of Nelly Furtado and Timbaland's Promiscuous:

K-Fed v John Cena - it's on!

2006-11-16T11:37:00.000Z

A little announcement about K-Fed - he will now be appearing in an actual wrestling match in the WWE! Yes, splitting up with Britney has clearly drove him mental (by the way, how hot does she look in this photo?) and he is going to get in the ring with WWE Champion John Cena on the New Year's Day edition of RAW - should be fun.

Cowfusion Trailer.

2006-11-16T10:35:00.000Z

John Francis (formerly John Vibert), my mate from uni, has spent his last few months in Jersey making a feature film. I applaud this effort, and therefore have placed the trailer here for your perusal. It looks good to me and the DVD will be available for a fiver soon I hear, via the website: http://www.normalvibes.com/cowfusion.php so check it out.

When Jackass came to WWE

2006-11-15T16:34:00.000Z

When WWE came to Hollywood recently (which started the whole K-Fed v John Cena thing), Chris 'Party Boy' Pontius and Steve-O got into the ring to take on all comers. And the Samoan bulldozer Umaga came in.

I assume Umaga took care of the guys at first to protect their bodies (although it looks pretty harsh), but you can tell when Steve-O starts laughing, Umaga decides to teach him a very stiff lesson...

The Simpsons Movie Trailer.

2006-11-14T12:54:00.000Z

Can't say I've enjoyed an episode of The Simpsons in a long time, but I'm hoping they pull out all the stops on the movie...

Anyway, here's the newest trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thesimpsonsmovie/trailer/